Quick KCC PSA: Concerning whoever ordered a black bean quesadilla at the sentient bean at roughly 1pm ish Tuesday, January 9. I’m sorry I took your quesadilla. I Thought it was my burrito because it was next to my drink at the counter. I should have double checked before I took it. PLEASE CONTACT ME SO I CAN BUY/MAKE YOU A NEW QUESADILLA
House on Haunted Hill (1959) Dir.William Castle
Gay people be like: Vincent price is reading everyone for filth,
The music. The theremin. The rattling chains as the disembodied head of the owner is zoomed in tightly at the audience while chains and ghouls moan just barely quieter than the guy who’s talking.
Something about movies before they really figured out how acting works makes all of their eyes so wet.
Pritchard is the saddest wettest looking man in the entire world. Every member of his family has been murdered in this house and now this wealthy eccentric Bi4Bi t4t couple wants to lock themselves and like a handful of other people inside overnight like its a fucking highschool gymnasium Lock-In fund raiser to see if the ghosts of his dead relatives kill them.
Also there's just a random non descript pool of acid just in the house. And they all just have loaded handguns that are NOT effective against ghosts.
Old lady ghost you will always be famous. I love how you move like an animatronic even though you’re very clearly a human woman with eye contacts in.
We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s story (1993) Dir. Dick Zondag, Ralph Zondag, Phil Nibbelink, and Simon Wells
I’ll say it. I’m a John Goodman enjoyer. His voice coming out of a gentle giant of a T-rex that plays golf has me strapped the fuck in. This is literally the first few minutes of the movie. Anything could happen and I’d still enjoy it.
A trio of dinosaurs, led by a t-rex John Goodman are force fed cereal that makes you smart by a time traveling wizard and brings the now intelligent and sensitive talking dinosaurs to the present day to make the dreams of children who want to meet dinosaurs in real life come true. Time traveling wizard has a twin brother who runs an evil carnival that's kinda based actually…
All The best animated 90s children movies have butch coded protagonists…
Credit to Friend of the Slab, Temple Cantrell (@templesinfo) who showed me this hidden gem of their childhood.
The Beekeeper (2024) Dir. David Ayer
John Wick, but instead of avenging a dead girlfriend’s dog, Jason Statham is avenging a retired philanthropic black lady who killed herself because she lost millions of dollars that were for charity from a phone scam.
A bunch of circus performers are performing at a party that the president is having at her house. Theres establishing shot they use is a close up of a guy in white gloves going nuts with a Fushigi ball this movie rocks. Jason Statham punches a man’s teeth out with a dial up telephone.
Unfortunately bee puns were few and far from between but boy can this chap from jolly ole england punch people in a way that's electric.
The Descent (2005) Dir. Neil Marshal
WORST GIRLS TRIP EVER. I don't care how deliciously sculpted Juno’s arms are or how experienced everyone in the climbing party was, leaving the map behind ON PURPOSE is selfish dumbass behavior. If I had a dollar for everytime a protagonist gets reborn in a pool of blood and commits violent self-destructive acts against themselves and others in the final 20 minutes of the movie I’d have a dollar. On the spookier end of cave based horror.
None of the cave creatures are played by Doug Jones but we still love them regardless….
The Outwaters (2022) Dir. Robbie Banfitch
Found footage of a desert hiking trip gone Wet ( read: Blood soaked) and Wild (read: Spooky) . There's some fun little mystery worms but honestly talking about this movie makes it sound more exciting than it actually is. BUT there is more than one moment that briefly hooks me. I love when they go upside down. On the “experimental” end of cave based horror.
Mojave Mo’ Problems
“If I had a dollar for every time a protagonist gets reborn in a pool of blood and commits violent self-destructive acts against themselves and others in the final 20 minutes of the movie I’d have a dollar….”
aaaand it happened again…
So now I have two more dollars for the movie renting fund. Yes I know pirating alternative, totally legal alternative streaming methods exists, that's how we watch most movies at KCC but they’re not always subtitled.. And baby needs subtitles.
Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning (2004) Dir. Grant Harvey
What if the sisters from Ginger Snaps (2000) were in 19th century Canada and wandered into a trapper camp that's been under siege by werewolves after their parents died in a shipwreck. Historically inaccurate in a way that's charming. The budget went towards the essentials (big rubber werewolf costumes) They are worth EVERY PENNY, I love how long the arms are. I don't care if it looks a little silly, it makes sense anatomically considering the proportions of a human adult running around on all fours. Admittedly a lot of the body horror, exploration of monstrous girlhood, and dark comedy takes a back seat compared to the original but still a fun watch regardless. That is if you can ignore the blatantly ignorant depiction of Canada’s indigenous peoples and lack of historical accuracy. (I’m not in the business of throwing stones but it does feel like the extent of the research that went into this was limited to playing/watching Assassins Creed games from the 2010s)
Being an older sister is just like this sometimes…
I still have my two dollars because I watched ^^^^^ on Tubi. shout out TUBI <3